It's never as good as it seems, and it's never as bad as it seems...

So generally I think that my blog will be pretty happy and fun. BUT, today I wanted to write about something that is a bit of a downer.

You ever have a few things happen in a row that just get you a little down? You almost can't help but say to yourself, "Geez, it would be nice if something went my way here!!" Well, the last few weeks have been like that for me, and Nicole too I think. Allow me to explain...

A little background on what I am talking about here. When we moved from Utah to Las Vegas, Nicole has this job all lined up that was supposedly a sure thing. It was with the company she used to work for in Vegas, they loved her, and it was basically her old job again. Well, at the last minute it fell through and she was jobless. She really likes the company she used to work for, so she took what she could get as soon as we got here, a.k.a. a job a customer service. So then, her old job for a different boss became available again a few weeks ago. She interviewed, they loved her of course...all is well, right. Wrong, they passed on her b/c the person who had left that same job about a year earlier wanted to come back to it. BAM! Shut down again, on what was supposed to be a done deal, doing a job she is already way too qualified for. It kind of hurts though you know. Like, "Geez, what is my problem? Does everyone I thought liked me, actually hate me? Am I just plain not good enough to get hired." Of course, none of that is true, especially about Nicole, but you just can't help but feel that way it seems.

So, now onto me...I have been working for several months now on a deal at work. (I sell 401k plans to small and medium sized businesses by the way) This was my first "big deal". Everything looked so good. We were saving them a LOT of money, nearly 85% of what they currently spend on their plan. We were increasing their benefits substantially. We absolutely knocked the presentation out of the park. My boss, who is also my father in law, was genuinely impressed with the work I had done. After we left the big presentation he said, "That was great. If we don't get this deal, I will honestly have no idea what to say to you. You just gave the best presentation on this stuff I have ever seen." We are good, right? Wrong. We didn't get the deal. They stayed with the company they already have, and all for really bad reasons. And to top it all off, we could have resolved every concern, but we never had the chance to do it.

Anyway, I just found all of this out yesterday. I am sitting in my office; our building is empty b/c we were closed for Veteran's Day. My father in law had just broken the news to me, and I couldn't help it. I thought to myself, "How can all of this keep happening? What are we doing wrong here? We're trying so hard. How can all of these failures be a part of the plan?" Oh, I know, it's so dramatic isn't it? :) Sometimes that is just how you feel though. This frownie face below is meant to illustrate what I mean.

Anyway, I wallowed in pity for a few hours. Feeling like "the wind had really been taken out of my sails", or I had been "kicked while I was down", or whatever else. And I mean that. Yesterday was the worst feeling I have had about things in a long time. I'm a pretty happy guy. I can't remember the last time I felt depressed. I sat here in my dark office just feeling really alone and pitiful, reflecting on all the "misfortune" that has come our way the past month. And then I thought, "You know, I have felt this way for 3-4 hours now, and it is time to move on, get back to work and get over it. Things are what they are, and you can't always change that." And then I thought, man what about those people who feel like this all the time or most of the time anyway? You know? People who are really sad and depressed and lonely, and just feel like nothing is right, and everyday they just mess it up worse. They feel like things really aren't going to get better. And it made me sad. I guess I haven't felt down enough about something in a very long time, and I have kind of forgotten how it feels. It made me realize that I am probably a callous jerk a lot of the time b/c I just don't relate well to people who just feel down-trodden.

Anyway, my point is I am going to work harder at this kind of thing. People struggle sometimes with things and feelings that I don't understand. That doesn't make them not real though. It just means I need to wake up and think about others more and myself less. That's it really. Like I said, this blog is really for me, not anyone else. It just makes me feel better to write some of this down and get it out. The end...